The things you learn

Tonight I looked over at Mario's laptop and realized he was reading an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel that he downloaded for free.

How? Where do I go? What do I click now?

My heart was racing....amazing books for free.

Now, please understand, I have not spent the last ten years living under a rock. I have downloaded books before, and when Stephen King attempted his great essaie into e-publishing, I was among the honest consumers who religiously paid their $1 a month for his e-novel, The Plant.

I have been here before, just not in this decade.

With trembling hands, I downloaded a Willa Cather novel, envisioning a whole new world of superlative and free fiction opening before me.

I read two paragraphs before the soundtrack in my mind came to a screeching halt.

I had forgotten how much I hate this.

Reading is my passion, I crave the written word in an OCD manner that is frankly a little scary. Most books in my large collection have been read ten times or more, simply because I read quickly and I read constantly. I don't care if I already know how it turns out, just give me something to read. GIVE IT TO ME.

Yes, give it to me. Give me the brand new pages which stick together on one side. Give me the delicate texture of the paper. Give me that new book smell. Give me that cramped hand from holding a weighty tome for hours at a time. Give me the skill to simultaneously hold a book and turn the page, using only three fingers. Give me that snick! sound that comes from turning a page quickly oh so quickly just tell me what comes next hurry tell me tell me now.

But never, under any circumstances, expect me to get my drug by staring at a computer screen.

A book ain't a book unless it's a Book.

Between "I will" and "I do"

Seven days til my brother's wedding. This is too much fun.

I have planned weddings in my professional life, so I know how The Process usually works. However, I have never been involved with a wedding that only took two weeks between "I will" and "I do". I am not planning his wedding in any way, although I have answered a few questions for Carleton and offered the very occasional piece of advice. But even as an outside observer, this is fun.

I am getting such a kick out of his updates. When I called tonight, his stylist was over to discuss Carleton's hair; that's the rock star side of him. The classy side in him, though, also told me about the platinum wedding bands and custom made suit he ordered today.

"A suit??? Really??"

He (who has never owned a suit in his life) said, "Well God, Jennifer, what did you expect? I'm Doing This Right."

It's going to be a simple civil ceremony. It's going to be thirty people having lunch at a pub. And the next day, he will go back to work and Ai will go back to university. But, my God, it'll be Done Right.

I am in love

Two paths diverged in the woods...

I see myself in my son most clearly when we are in the woods.

How wonderful that we can have these times together, that we can enter nature's garden and truly see it. We will pause and examine a mushroom, or discuss at great length a pattern in a maple's bark, or stop suddenly simply so we can listen to the silence.

Yesterday, part of our ramble took us through heavily shaded forest, where long expanses of ice barred our easy passage, and demanded our full attention. Hand in hand, we creeped along the path, each sturdy tree trunk we reached a victory, each minor slip of the foot causing our hands to tighten. We laughed as we found small ways to evade the ice, but were always careful to consider where we trod, lest we damage some wakening plant.

When we finally found the light of the sun again, we turned to each other and praised each other for navigating the ice so successfully. And even though there was no longer need to hold hands, we did anyway.

I will remember this walk forever.

What did I do NOW???

Yesterday, when creating my post, I messed around with changing the font for that post. Somehow, I have changed the font on EVERYTHING I look at, from web sites and blogs to my email at work.

Such is my power.

Such is my pathetic ignorance.

The news that started my day

Jennifer Lockhart

is thrilled to announce

the forthcoming marriage of

her brother

Carleton Lockhart

and

Ai Takeuchi

April 4, 2007

Toronto Ontario

Go, Cats, Go

This afternoon I mentioned to my colleague Cindy that Mario and I planned to go to a Wildcats game tonight, our city's wildly popular junior hockey team. Cindy seemed taken aback, and said she was having a hard time imagining me at a hockey game.

"Why?"

"I don't know, you're just so...girlie."

"WHAT??"

"Well...you know... I just picture you taking a book to read."

! ! !

This may mark the first time in my life that someone has called me "girlie", I have long lamented that I wish I knew HOW to be a girl.

Home sick today

A truly stunning sinus infection has sidelined me for now. I went to the drugstore this afternoon to purchase nasal spray (how's THAT for sexy?), and, for reasons I will never completely understand, decided this was a good time to re-visit waxing. Hey, I'm sick, humour me. I bought a waxing system which promises four weeks of smooth skin.

My personal history with waxing tells me it's not worth it. All these products that promise four weeks of smooth skin.....either they are lying or I'm some kind of Yeti, because I am always disappointed. So, just for fun, I waxed ONE leg, and will shave the other. Over the next few weeks, I will seriously weigh the convenience but lackluster results of waxing against the time consuming but reliable results of shaving.

On a related topic, last fall I bought some Dove body lotion which promised the glory of smooth, sexy skin. I religiously applied this lotion to one side of my body, from shoulder to toes. I didn't tell Mario about this, by the way, so when, after three weeks, I thrust my shins in front of him and said, "Here, feel this!", he had no idea what his crazy girlfriend was up to now. He cautiously and thoughtfully felt both my legs and arms, and then pronounced the left side of my body infinitely softer. Good news for Dove, the left side was where I had applied their product.

What I learned is that, while some beauty products may be so much clap-trap, some actually DO make a difference. Too bad that my interest in being soft, sexy and smooth usually coincides with the times that I am the Hacking Queen of Phlegm.

Me Big Geek

Two quick examples:

1. On Saturday I went to Chapter's to buy the magazine in which Kelly's layout appears. As soon as it was in my hands, I burst in to tears. In the middle of the bookstore. Mario was all, "How 'bout you get it together?" He was very gentle and loving, and understood why I was overcome by emotion -- he loves Kelly and is so proud of her for this first milestone-- but still, "Seriously Jennifer, cool it."

2. Today the first results of last year's census were released. We went to www.statscan.ca to check it out, and the more we read, the more humble and proud I became. My God, I helped do that. I didn't realize how much it would affect me emotionally to see the results.

Begin

In January, inspired by a challenge on Ali E's blog, I carefully selected the word "Begin" as my inspiration for 2007.

Update: it is the middle of March, and I haven't "begun" anything, I haven't done one single thing towards my personal goals for this year. Great. Now, to be fair, until two weeks ago I was working sixteen hours a day, and I only stopped doing THAT because of Mario's health problems (and my own exhaustion, let's not mince words.) I don't bring those things up as excuses, but as bonafide reasons why I ended up putting myself pretty far down on my list of priorities.

Begin.

I have considered all my goals at length, and while I know I can't possibly accomplish them all in 2007, I know I can make progress on all of them, simply by doing one thing:

I will make time for creativity every day.

We convince ourselves that creativity takes time or silence or space or inspiration or something else that we simply don't have. Well, bullshit.

I'm not suggesting I will spend an hour writing tomorrow, because I won't. But surely I can write for five minutes. Or journal for ten. Or knit for three. Or daydream for one.

Kelly gave me a wonderful book for my birthday, "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. And while I am not yet ready to commit that much time to the exercises she recommends, I AM ready to commit just a little bit of time to myself.

Begin.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

My bestest friend in the whole world, the Delightful, the Incomparable, the Spectacular, the Superlative Kelly Fowler, has had a scrapbooking layout published in Memory Makers magazine. I am freaking out.

I AM keeping it in perspective: one layout published does not a career make. But it is a start, it is a publishing credit, it is a nod to her amazing talent, and it is the beginning of all the wonderful things which I know are in store for her.

And, when I am working for her three years from now, you can look back at this blog and know that I "knew" first. (I am soooooo going to ride her coat tails, ha ha.)

She is an absolute goddess and one of the joys of my life. I am a better person because of her love, faith, and sense of humour. I only wish I could be with her tonight....

Do as I say, not as I do

I have been an archivally-safe scrapbooker for ten years. Not only do I appreciate the importance of treating my photographic memories with respect, within my circle of family and firends, I am definitely the "go to" person for advice on preserving your photos. Have an old magnetic album? Not only will I explain why this is a bad idea, I'll take it apart for you. I can tell you the best way to handle your photos, why pictures printed on old black and white paper have different requirements from later papers, and most importantly, why you need to take the correct steps now to ensure these memories are still around for future generations. I can talk your bloody ear off on the subject for hours and never repeat myself.

Which leads me to last night. I went down to the basement to put something in the freezer, and caught sight of the container above. After my mother died, I was given all the photos she had collected over the years. Some were in magnetic albums, some were in slip albums, and the vast majority were loose in boxes. They were completely mixed up, almost none of them were dated in any way, an absolute disaster. My brother trusted me with every single one of them, because he knows I am an expert in this field.

I had gotten somewhat of a handle on the collection, had everything out of the albums and pretty much in order. One night were were having company over, so I pitched all the photos in to Tupperware containers and "hid" them downstairs.

And then promptly forgot about them. They sat, uncovered and unprotected, in my basement for over a year.

It is with deep, deep shame and horror that I tell you every single one of these photos was perfectly flat the last time I saw them. Jennifer, the Big Expert, has ruined most of our family photos through negligence.

This afternoon, Mario and I made an emergency trip to Staples to buy a scanner. I had always planned to scan the whole collection eventually, I just never thought I'd be scanning in a desperate attempt to repair damage I have done.

Dance Your Cares Away

Spent a fantastic evening with my son and my little sister. We decided it was Movie Night, so Louise and I ran to the corner store to pick up junk food and a movie. But before I could rent some forgettable movie, Louise squealed when she spied treasure in the $2.99 bargain bin.

Brian expected us to come home with something he had at least heard of. What we showed up with, however, were four discs of Fraggle Rock.

When Louise was a tiny girl, it was our ritual to watch Fraggle Rock on CBC every Sunday night at 7:00 pm. She'd crawl on to my lap, and we would spend a half hour with Gobo, Red, Mokie, Wembley and Boober. We were so excited to find these DVD's, and share them with Brian. Brian, on the other hand, had no idea what we were talking about (okay, I'm a baaaaaaaad Mummy) and was not happy that we chose some Muppet thing instead.

Tonight, from the first bar of the first song of the first episode, Louise and I sang along. LOUDLY. And it was obvious Brian thought we were giant losers, and that the show was far too "baby" for him. Hell, at that point Louise and I didn't care, we were reliving a moment in our lives.

So funny and wonderful that, by the time we began the fourth episode, Brian had crawled in to my lap. And although he didn't know the words to the songs, he was beginning to hum along. He laughed out loud a few times. And he can't wait for his auntie to come back tomorrow so we can watch more episodes.

Dance your cares away,
Worries for another day.
Let the music play
Down at Fraggle Rock.

Sea Chicken

Tonight, Mario and I experienced an almost daily ritual: we walked in to the grocery store, turned to each other and said simultaneously, "What do you want for dinner? I don't know, what do you want?"

As we were walking past the fish counter -- me, pushing the empty cart; him, hobbling along on his crutches-- I spied the live loster tank and said, "Look, sea chickens!"

We always walk past the lobster to more "everyday" items, but for some reason we decided to have lobster tonight.

A bit of background about my part of Canada. Lobster fishing has always been a large part of our ecomony and way of life, but has not always been viewed as a luxury item. Fifty years ago, it was considered shameful to bring a lobster sandwich to school for lunch, because it implied your parents couldn't afford to buy bologna. And, in poor market years, farmers would grind up the crustaceans and use them as cheap garden fertilizer.

And even though I live in a land where Lobster is King, I paid $11 a pound for it tonight. Who's fertilizing their garden now?

Our dinner tonight was VERY much a treat. We usually have lobster four or five times a year, always in the summer, always while we are camping. (Eating lobster is a very messy business, why would we do that at home??) To sit down to a feast in the middle of winter was so refreshing... because I associate it so closely with summer, the act of breaking open the claws gave me spring fever like you would not believe.

Another lobster fact: for the most part, Maritimers don't order it in restaurants, we leave that to the tourists. The reasons are simple: the mess, and how undignified you appear while eating it. A true Maritimer will spread newspapers all over the kitchen table, grab a plastic bowl for the shells, and have at 'er. It ain't pretty. We aren't afraid to use our hands (lobster crackers are for sissies) and we usually walk away from the table with a few cuts from the sharp shells. At this moment, I have several small puncture wounds and one surprising gash on the inside of my ring finger from opening the thing by hand. All part of the experience.

Your luxury item is my standard camping fare. How great is that? (well, for ME, anyway!)

Back Story

I got myself some serious writer's block when I hit #10 on my list last night.... clearly, there are many other eveyday occurences which have the power to crap all over your day, but my mind was suddenly empty. (although, let's face it, writer's block DOES suck.) When I was done on the computer, I turned to a different activity, and bang, number 10 became obvious.

10. It sucks when you have to give your loved one a therapeutic massage with an analgesic gel. The second I finished, I ran to the bathroom to wash my hands, but too late: both my hands were dead numb for the next three hours. Wow, hope Mario gets at least some of that effect when I work that bright blue miracle into his back.

This morning, he went to his first ever acupuncture appointment. Last night, he mentioned in passing that maybe he would try acupuncture sometime.... When I hit work this morning, I RAN to our acquaintance Liliane to ask for her help. Liliane is a serious student of & believer in alternative medicine, and I knew she would point me in the best possible direction.

Through her intervention, Mario managed to get an appointment with a highly skilled acupuncturist for 10:30 am today. Omigod, I owe Liliane soooooooo big time for this.

Mario loved it, loved the practitioner's approach, was FLOORED when she made (seemingly) random but dead-on correct observations about his life simply by touching his pulse points. For example, she touched one wrist in two spots, and then said, "You consume a lot of sugar, don't you?'

Mario adds enough coffee to his cup of sugar to make it damp, ok? And she knew this. Amazing.

He's going back on Monday. And I know this is going to work.