Didn't see THAT coming
It is 7:30 pm on Day Two of NoSmoking.
Last two days have been wonky, but not too awful. I know the really awful part is yet to come, mind you, so believe me when I say I wasn't getting cocky in a "Woohoo, I'm cured!" kind of way. I have been moving slowly these last two days, kind of tiptoeing around The Monster, just quietly sipping my water and "Bite!Bite!Park!"ing my Nicorette Gum. So far, The Monster is vaguely uncomfortable, but still half asleep.
Shhh.
Tonight with dinner, Mario opened a bottle of red wine. Yummy, wonderful red wine.
And The Monster went wild. He screamed, he kicked, he began tearing his way out of my body with his sharp teeth. Okay, okay, I GET it. I asked Mario for a cigarette, went outside, and Calmed The Monster Down.
Please try to understand my logic behind having a cigarette. I have had coffee these last two days with no issue. I have eaten, and experienced that satiated lovely feeling after my meal, with no problem. Then tonight I had a drink and it was every man for himself. So I placated The Monster just to make him STOP ripping my spleen out. And now I know that, at least for the next few weeks, I can't have any alcohol. It's no big deal, I just won't do it again. But because I aroused The Monster so violently with an activity I can easily avoid, I figured the easiest way to put him back to sleep was a cigarette.
If you are a non-smoker, you think I am creating excuses and giving myself permission to smoke. If you are a smoker, you see the logic of my reasoning; a recreational drink woke Him up, I put Him back to sleep, and no more wine for me. Ta-da, pretty bloody simple.
I AM going to do this.
Last two days have been wonky, but not too awful. I know the really awful part is yet to come, mind you, so believe me when I say I wasn't getting cocky in a "Woohoo, I'm cured!" kind of way. I have been moving slowly these last two days, kind of tiptoeing around The Monster, just quietly sipping my water and "Bite!Bite!Park!"ing my Nicorette Gum. So far, The Monster is vaguely uncomfortable, but still half asleep.
Shhh.
Tonight with dinner, Mario opened a bottle of red wine. Yummy, wonderful red wine.
And The Monster went wild. He screamed, he kicked, he began tearing his way out of my body with his sharp teeth. Okay, okay, I GET it. I asked Mario for a cigarette, went outside, and Calmed The Monster Down.
Please try to understand my logic behind having a cigarette. I have had coffee these last two days with no issue. I have eaten, and experienced that satiated lovely feeling after my meal, with no problem. Then tonight I had a drink and it was every man for himself. So I placated The Monster just to make him STOP ripping my spleen out. And now I know that, at least for the next few weeks, I can't have any alcohol. It's no big deal, I just won't do it again. But because I aroused The Monster so violently with an activity I can easily avoid, I figured the easiest way to put him back to sleep was a cigarette.
If you are a non-smoker, you think I am creating excuses and giving myself permission to smoke. If you are a smoker, you see the logic of my reasoning; a recreational drink woke Him up, I put Him back to sleep, and no more wine for me. Ta-da, pretty bloody simple.
I AM going to do this.
posted by Jenn at
6:28 p.m.
1 Comments:
just don't turn mormon by the end of it...no smoking, no drinking :)
but seriously - wow. this is one hell of a journey, jenn. good on ya.
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